Did the mother iron the shirt for the cheeky boy and have it ready for him to wear?
Photo: Archive
Noble fabrics, bright colors, bold patterns, flashy cuts. Okay, there are no sharp cuts. What I’m getting at: The colloquial language of fashion is dominated by annoying adjectives. The advertising people try to lure us clumsily and awkwardly with an abstract quality that their products are supposed to claim and that somehow sets them apart from the ominous, indefinite monotony of normal clothing. Be different, wear the smart blouse with the super special ruffle element. Okay, that was too many adjectives.
What I’m getting at: Texts on textiles are a problem. All too often, the brand name is emblazoned on the chest of the wearer of a top as proof of purchasing power and signals: I’ve got it. I can afford it. A lack of quality in the design of a piece of clothing is compensated for by social-psychological calculation: the collective memory that such status symbols made of cotton, polyester, viscose make us a member of a better world of goods – finally no longer being a no-name! Buy your underpants at Aldi, but spare me T-shirts that claim “Authentic Sportswear”.
Textile Texte
Fashion and desperation: This summer the nd feature section deals with trousers, shirts, hats and everything else that belongs to the style.
Well, is that still true? Am I not following the generalities of consumer criticism from times long past? Presumably this brand-model moralism is just speculation by middle-class boomer parents. Because in reality you degrade yourself into an advertising assistant for the manufacturer, the logo immediately catches the eye. When it comes to the really expensive things of the truly distinguished gentlemen, companies forego the flashy branding.
What I’m really getting at: T-shirts with stupid sayings. By far the most disgusting pieces of clothing every season. They are not only worn in summer, but when it gets hot, the bad jokes are no longer hidden under jackets or are at least partially censored by them. The nature of the T-shirt itself doesn’t matter at all, what’s important is the message. And it’s as witty as the sentence “I’m with stupid,” supplemented by an arrow that points to a person to the left or right of the T-shirt wearer. Other people are always stupid, and I mean this deep truth all day long with my top on, urbanely but generally understandable in English.
But the saying is still harmless compared to the inscription “There/Mouth”, arrow pointing down, which is widespread among unattractive men. This disgusting request for fellatio not only points to a disturbed relationship with one’s own sexuality, but is also the most boring, non-justiciable agitation of public outrage that one can imagine. Maybe clever BVB fans want to come up with something funny about how to effectively expose these DortMündlers in public spaces, because of course the super cheeky saying is aimed exclusively at the “women’s world” and is only meant to be “funny” and anyway…
The classic “Beer shaped this beautiful body” is nicer and helplessly self-deprecating. I personally like to drink beer very regularly, but I find beer belly pride to be wrong, to say the least, because there is a latent authoritarian, power- and club-like self-sufficiency of the sluggish in this statement: I drink as much as I want, I don’t move from my place, I can nobody anything. Oh well. Not bad, but just embarrassing. The layout decision to print a statement large and bold and place the statement small and thin is also popular. Example: »I am the boss. Because I can.” So people look at you for longer.
The list of funny sayings is endless. For example, full-time employees know: “The first 5 days after the weekend are the worst.” A bit defeatist. The claim, which is very untrue from a medical perspective, is very similar: “Coffee saved my life.” Both mean to us: “Accept me as nasty as I am, because I work a lot and don’t have time to get involved with others.” You should also keep your distance from people who let us know on their upper body: “There’s no standard Cream”. Antido: Give Nivea and run away.
Synonymous with almost all of these sayings is the childish one: “I hate people,” often decorated with an illustration, such as a vomiting unicorn, according to Google. I would also consider the seedlings listed here to be cross-gender. The vast majority of funny sayings on t-shirts assume some kind of expectation or opinion on the part of the t-shirt owner towards the anonymous passerby who is asked to read. A silent desire for communication.
Summer tip: Engage a fellow human being whose top says something not too assholey, but in a friendly and demanding manner, in a conversation about what the good person in the world really wants to say. After all, Adorno once claimed somewhere that people are still better than their fashion… or something like that.