Italians in long trousers are not uncommon even in summer: Marcello Mastroianni as the Sicilian Baron Ferdinando Cefalù in the film “Divorce in Italian” (1961)
Foto: Diltz/Bridgeman Images
When God created the human leg, he was under high pressure. He had spent hours constructing the head without being entirely satisfied with the result. And now he was running out of time. The knee in particular proved to be a highly difficult structure. Finally the Almighty came up with the idea of the meniscus. He was aware that this was only an emergency solution. Future generations of footballers would have a lot of trouble with it and curse him. “So be it!” he groaned briefly. 24 hours was simply not enough. There was only enough for a defect entity.
There was certainly no time for the optics. So we had to improvise quickly. When developing pubic hair, God miscalculated by a zero. He could now use the excess hair for his lower limbs. That didn’t look nice. Nevertheless, he remained cautiously optimistic. Sooner or later people would figure out that these turnip-like structures were better tucked into pants. This way everyone would be spared the sight of the unaesthetic extremities.
Textile Texte
This summer the nd feature section is focusing on trousers, shirts, hats and everything else that goes with the style.
God had made the calculation without Germans and Americans. In most parts of the world people were clear-sighted enough to see legs for what they are: a necessary evil. After all, it was common knowledge that there was only one person in the entire world with beautiful legs: the Australian Elle Macpherson, who was rightly nicknamed “The Body”. Everyone else did well to cover up their creator’s creative slip-up.
Unfortunately, the Yankees and Teutons see it differently. What unites both nations is a certain pride. When you have sole possession of the truth, it is easy to ignore generally valid judgments, including aesthetic ones. Reason would just be annoying. Anyone who lives in “God’s chosen country” pulls his boots like John Wayne. And as is well known, the world should benefit from the German nature sooner.
So, as soon as summer knocks on the door, you swap your long trousers for shorts and something even shorter. “Summer” is a relative term. Actually, it’s enough when the mercury touches the 20 degree mark and the weather forecast promises three rain-free days in a row. If this is the case, Germans and Americans behave as if they had spent the last ten years in a cellar dungeon. Just get out there, and with as little material as possible!
If this happens in your own country, it is not noticed. Our eyes have long since become accustomed to the visual horror that presents itself in pedestrian zones on a sunny day. The once tough experience of seeing leg-hairy creatures in droves has long since become routine. Praise be to what makes you hard – eyes can also become dull. The bitter truth: Germans and Americans are on the verge of blindness. Their eyesight isn’t good enough to see what they’re fishing out of the closet in the morning.
People in more southern countries realize that things could be different. Despite the rising temperature, the feeling of shame does not decrease. People there know that Bermuda shorts (and especially boxer shorts) are a fashion aberration. An invention of cynical fashion designers who expose the wearer of the trousers by exposing their legs. If you walk around in Italy, Spain or Portugal with a short bux, you might as well have the word “tourist” tattooed on your forehead. He may have money, but not style. He deserves to be treated with contempt. Because through his appearance he turns beautiful places into ugly ones. We should give him a leg up!