Talke Talks – The only one

Howdy from Texas, here comes my voting record.

Two weeks before the election: I read an interview with John Miller, one of the creators of the TV series “The Apprentice.” In it, he admitted guilt for having created a “monster” with the television character Donald Trump. Just as the Kardashian ass is fake, Trump’s business talent is also a lie for reality TV: He squandered his father’s fortune on idiotic business ideas, all of which ended in bankruptcy. His business successes were invented to make the show more believable. I’ve never seen the show, but instead prefer to watch the “Real Housewives of New York,” which is also bad at business, but at least doesn’t get involved in politics. Miller’s confession won’t convert any more Trump fans. Donald himself made the now legendary statement “Biden is asleep and Kamala is at a dance party with Beyoncé,” which resulted in a dance track that Harris supporters danced to on social media.

One week before the election: It’s Halloween and the election posters in our neighbors’ front yards are alternating: Trump / Vance vs. Harris / Walz. The classic doorbell ringing for trick-or-treating has been a thing of the past in the USA since Covid at least. The neighbors make themselves comfortable on folding chairs a few meters from their front doors, drink alcohol undercover and offer their sweets on folding tables as if they were selling them off. My daughter runs very energetically towards a particularly crowded house; Its owners must be big donors because they have the biggest and most colorful Donald flag I’ve ever seen. They call my daughter “Sweetheart.” I think about how my sweetheart might have fewer rights than I once did because of her. My sweet smile is as fake as Kim’s buttocks when I thank her for the sweets.

Kamala appears on Saturday Night Life. A student in Tehran strips down to her underwear to demonstrate the masking policy on her university campus. I shudder to think of the violence she will soon experience. Donald Trump says the USA is a “trash can for the rest of the world.” And, probably still jealous of Bill Clinton, he simulates a blow job with a broken microphone in a not exactly conservative way.

Two days before the election: I watch videos about a Texas teenager who became the latest victim of the abortion ban: She died because no doctor dared remove her dead fetus. We have known each other long enough now, dear readers, that I can confide in you: The ban played a role in my not having another child. A conservative Jew in New York tells the camera that Trump is the only candidate who loves his country, apparently forgetting what happened under him in Charlottesville in 2017. Muslims in Michigan say they voted for Trump because they support saving their people in Gaza – as if they had forgotten Trump’s ban on Islam. It is said that over ten thousand North Korean soldiers have arrived in Russia to support the country in its war against Ukraine.

One day before the election: We watch the German-Italian Ingo Zamperoni in the ARD media library as he has to eat the most overcooked pasta of his life with US Republican acquaintances and is then told by the lady of the house that women are incapable of governing a country. That would already be in the Bible. I remember a Republican and former friend of mine saying that Europe couldn’t take a woman seriously as head of the US government. What about Angela Merkel, Sanna Marin or Theresa May, I replied. She laughed. To this day I wonder if she knew any of these women.

Election day: Alcoholic, disillusioned, listening to voice messages from friends, I sit in front of the TV. It’s incredibly close. No, not just narrowly, Trump is leading. I go to bed at half past one.

The day after: The alarm clock rings at six. 277 is written in red on my phone screen. He only needed 270 votes. I think of the neighbors with the flag, the North Koreans in Russia, my stupid former girlfriend, the Iranian student’s mother, the Texas teenager’s mother, my own daughter.