Talke talks – Midlife & Midsize

Howdy from Texas, dear readers,

I became 39 this week, an age that is slowly falling under the name “middle of life”. How do I know that? Every day by the Algorithm Article, I was leaked to it every day. “The new life from mid -30th. No more desire for sex, back pain, overweight,” is one, for example. The reader comments split in a showy and angry, the former write things like “I am 50, don’t know any pain and am constantly coiting” and the second complain à la: “What about the middle, 35 is young!” Both annoy me. I experience the former constantly with yoga ultrafites and mega slims women who are stronger than me, but could be my mother to age and constantly brag about making yoga every day. Fortunately, we don’t know ourselves well enough for a different kind of confessions.

I have the second in my circle of acquaintances, women of my age, who vehemently dismiss the Midlife suspicions. Why actually? In Germany, life expectancy for women is 83, for men at 78 (haha). In the United States there are 82 vs. 77 years ̶ also a well-deserved five-year bonus for us women. The “center of life” is not a mathematically defined number that only applies for a year, but a long phase with which a whole lifestyle goes hand in hand. And that could already be used between 35 and 40, especially in people who always felt a bit older than they actually are like me. But especially with my acquaintances, who go to bed much too early and hate going out because, as they admit, they “have become boring”. Then why not the stamp “middle age” embracen, where something like that is considered normal?

The main characteristics of the middle-life phase are different in this generation than the previous ones. So the male midlifecrisis is no longer what it was once: leather (inhuman), sports car (too expensive) and affair with secretary (hello, »work from home«!). Then dear hedgehog sting beard extract, hair transplantation in Turkey and Sydney Sweeny’s bathing water soap (I am old-fashioned and find the affair more decent). With the ladies, the legendary perimenopause dominates the crisis, which according to the media is supposed to use up to ten years before the actual menopause, which in turn takes another decade. Maybe you should rename the female midlife into menolife! Against both women have to prepare for preparations with an arsenal, it is said. After all, we are taken more seriously with the symptoms than our mothers at the time. Mädels marathon runs, laser treatments and the view of every television and film production, in which the pioneering queen of the privileged Tussi role, Nicole Kidman, also plays more and more popular in the new life phase.

Incidentally, experts say that the midlife phase reaches up to the age of 55 to 60 years. How do I manage to enjoy this time without becoming unbearable for my environment? I have a concept: 1. Since I read somewhere that prison inmates love routines because their detention times seems so much shorter, I am a categorical routine hater and try to be spontaneous as often as possible. This looks very Bohemia, carefree and mysterious. 2. No phrases and old people’s noises! “Oh, the time flies!” Or “The rain is good for the roses!” Or a quiet moan before you get up from the armchair? Not! I pull myself together as long as I can and do all of this in my own four walls. (Because the rain is actually wonderful for my roses, which represent my very typical favorite midlife hobby). 3. No Corny couple accounts on social media, no tattoos à la “My children are my everything”! Just pretend that the family would have to thank you for being there at all. Cool and carefree, like Nicole Kidman. Incidentally, it is 57 and would do me with a yoga marathon.