Summer with Tucholsky – man

Man has two legs and two beliefs: one when he is fine and one if he is bad. The latter is called religion.

Man is a vertebrate and has an immortal soul, as well as a fatherland so that it does not become too cocky.

Man is made naturally, but he finds this unnatural and does not like to speak of it. He is done, on the other hand, does not ask if he wanted to be made.

Man is a useful living being because it serves to raise petroleum shares through the military death, to increase the profit of the miners through the mining death, as well as culture, art and science.

In addition to the drive of reproduction and the, eating and drinking, humans have two passions: to make noise and not listen. One could define people as a being that never listens. When he is wise, he does it right: because clever things rarely get to hear. People like to hear: promises, flattery, recognition and compliments. In the case of flattery, it is advisable to always get three numbers coarser than you think it is just possible.

Man does nothing to his genus, so he invented the laws. He is not allowed, so the others shouldn’t.

To rely on a person, you are good to sit on him; At least for this time you are sure that it does not run away. Some also rely on the character.

Man disintegrates into two parts:

In a male who does not want to think and in a female who cannot think. Both have so -called feelings: the safest way to cause them by putting certain nerve points of the organism in function. In these cases, but some people leave poetry.

Man has two passions: to make noise and not listen.

Man is a plant and carnivorous being; He also eats copies of his own genus here and there; But this is compensated for by fascism.

Man is a political creature that likes to clench his life. Each lump hates the other lumps because they are the others and hates them because they are suitable. The latter hatred is called patriotism.

Everyone has a liver, a spleen, a lung and a flag; All four organs are vital. There should be people without a liver, without spleen and with half lungs; There are no people without flag.

Weak reproduction activity is happy to take care of people, and he has various means: bullfighting, the crime, sport and court care.

There are no people with each other. There are only people who rule and those who are dominated. But nobody has mastered themselves yet; Because the opposing slave is increasingly powerful than the government -addicted gentleman. Everyone is inferior.

If man feels that he can no longer get up in the back, he becomes pious and wise; He then dispenses with the acid grapes in the world. This is called inner contemplation. The different age groups of humans consider each other to be different races: old people have usually forgotten that they were young, or forgot that they are old, and boy never understand that they can grow old.

Man does not want to die because he doesn’t know what comes. If he imagines it to know, then he doesn’t want it; Because he wants to participate a little. A little means here: forever.

Incidentally, people are a living being that knocks, makes bad music and lets his dog bark. Sometimes he also gives calm, but then he is dead.

In addition to the people there are also Saxons and Americans, but we haven’t had them yet and only get zoology in the next class.

The text appeared for the first time in the »Weltbühne« in June 1931.