Living Worse: Soylent Brown | nd-aktuell.de

If you had the choice, which breakfast would you choose? For a crispy lye wedge with fresh butter and lime jam and a boiled organic egg or for a tough brown cream that tastes like heavily sugared frying fat and that comes from a polyethylene terephthalate bottle?

Well: Clearly for the Seim, because not only does eating a conventional breakfast (getting cutlery and plates, peeling eggs, buttering rolls) and disposing of leftover food take far too long for modern people with a good work-life balance, that The new, thick instant breakfast “to go”, the “ready-to-drink meal”, is also much more practical and healthier. You can down it in one go in the morning, with a single powerful hand movement, before you head off to the gym, the co-working space or the barracks to do the usual manly things.

Admittedly, the consistency of so-called drinking meals – apart from the coloring – is uncomfortably reminiscent of the saliva of a Great Dane, and when it comes to the hefty price of a portion (half a liter), you wonder whether you’re worth the sum It’s not better to get a tasty doner kebab from the sizzle stall next door, but: According to the manufacturer, the drink contains “the EU-recommended daily amount of all vitamins and minerals that you should consume with a meal” and comes on top of that – Great Dane saliva consistency or not – currently in the hot trend colors of the current winter season (caramel, chamois, taupe). Plus, as I said, the Plörre can be refueled in no time. What more do you want?

The intended target group is not just the omnipresent FDP snob. It is obvious that the aim is to appeal to young, dynamic cis men with limited intellectual capacity: the packaging of the typical “ready-to-go drink”, a cylindrical or phallus-shaped plastic container, is intended to be reminiscent of products that are usually sold in hardware stores are: paint cans, turpentine, portable mini wrench set.

So that no one confuses the stuff with glue or wall paint, “THIS IS FOOD” was printed on the bottle in huge block letters as a precaution. After all, you never know. Anyone who has ever observed men shopping in the supermarket knows that their brains are not always 100% on point: after all, they prefer to buy their shower gel and other care products in packaging that appears to have been designed so as not to endanger the customers’ fragile masculinity: perfume bottles shaped like a bodybuilder’s torso; after-shave bottles that look like a hip flask; penis-shaped shaving cream containers. Scents can be either “smoky” or “leathery”. A facial cleansing lotion must contain “charcoal”. It’s actually a small miracle that there isn’t an aftershave called “Gasoline”, “Iron Fist” or “Big Balls” yet.

So the liquid hipster breakfast from the penis bottle, which is reminiscent of astronaut food, is intended to give the new generation of men the feeling that they are all around magnificent devils and virile jacks of all trades who not only stand around with their legs apart, but can also eat a “modern diet”.

“The shake is available in numerous different flavors such as vanilla, berry, banana and chocolate,” but unfortunately not yet in the flavors Red Meat, Smoked Whiskey and Stiff White Protein.