Not being able to distinguish between pelmeni and vareniki: a gift. But pelmeni are never anything like Maultaschen!
Photo: Arkady Zarubin/Pixabay
There’s something in the pelmeni that you can’t see from the outside. That’s why they are so mysterious. And because they are so mysterious, they are also so human. Because there is something inside people that you can’t see from the outside, namely the position of the legs. What is human leg position? You don’t know it from the outside.
And what is the leg position of the Pelmeni? You don’t know it from the outside either. You only know it from the inside, but when you know it from the inside, it’s too late because you’ve already swallowed it and it’s now part of you. But from the outside you don’t know. You don’t know, is it beef, is it veal, is it rotten meat? Or is it curd or is it cabbage or is it mushroom? That can also be the position of the legs, and if that is the position of the legs, then they are no longer pelmeni, but vareniki.
Ezzes by Estis
Magnus Terhorst
Alexander Estis, a freelance Jew without a permanent address, writes so much nonsense in this column that it will make you sick to your stomach.
However, sometimes there is beef, veal or rotten meat in the Vareniki. Names are smoke and mirrors! So even if you’ve already swallowed it, in the end you still don’t know whether it was pelmeni or vareniki, because you only know that from the outside and no longer from the inside, and that’s why pelmeni are so mysterious.
Sometimes from the outside you think it’s vareniki with cabbage, but from the inside it’s pelmeni with meat. Or with cabbage anyway, just pelmeni. Fallax species rerum. That means: wrong specialty. Because there are vareniki that intentionally taste like pelmeni, and pelmeni that intentionally look like they are vareniki. If from the outside you believe they are vareniki, but from the inside you believe they are pelmeni, then they are neither vareniki nor pelmeni. What are they then if they are neither Vareniki nor Pelmeni? Please, then it’s pelmeniki.
That’s why pelmeni are so mysterious, because you never know exactly whether they aren’t actually vareniki or pelmeni that are supposed to look like vareniki, or pelmeni that are supposed to taste like vareniki, or pelmeni that look like pelmeni and are supposed to taste like pelmeni .
And then pelmeni sometimes contain potatoes. Especially when there is no meat. So almost always, and even more often than almost always, when there isn’t even rotten meat. Vareniki, on the other hand, can sometimes contain cherries. And if pelmeni sometimes even contain potatoes and vareniki even contain cherries, then they could actually contain anything. And they really can do that. That’s why you often don’t know what the leg position is from the outside, nor from the inside, nor whether you’ve just swallowed pelmeni or vareniki or pelmeniki or something completely different, like a person, for example, because you also know their leg position does not know, and often not only from the outside, but also from the inside.
That’s exactly the reason why you should never compare pelmeni with toll bags. Never! You can hear that from the name: Pelme-nie. Names aren’t just smoke and mirrors. Otherwise Pelmeni could be called Vareniki and Vareniki Pelmeni or even the other way around. Although that might even be easier than it is already complicated. But with the Maultaschen it is very easy. You always know what their leg position is, both from the outside and inside. And why? Because it says so on the package.
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