Bronfn in the American Treasury Department: An employee inspects home-made schnapps from a previously confiscated still, photo circa 1921–32.
Foto: images/Everett Collection
What is Bronfn? Or who is Bronfn? How do you make bronfn? But the right question is: How much Bronfn?
The correct answer is: as much as possible. Bronfn is schnapps, and almost always home-made. This is not without reason, and there is not just one reason, but several, maybe even more and more the more Bronfn you drink – and the more reasons, the more you drink. But the right question is not how many reasons , but which ones.
What are the reasons? Oh, what do I know? Just ask Menachem, the smart guy, the drunkard – if he can still talk, which he actually always can, just not always straight, and sometimes not out at all, but rather into it.
Ezzes von Was
You are Alexandera freelance Jew without a permanent address, writes so much schmontz in this column that it will make you sick to your stomach.
»Menachem, here you have one Cash Or a question from me: Which is better, home-made or bought from someone else?”
»Dos is a Kasche? Homemade is always better than bought.«
“Well, and why?”
“First of all, you can burn as much of it as you want.”
“Good. And secondly?”
“Secondly, you can drink as much of it as you want.”
“Also good. And thirdly?”
“Thirdly, you can still drink as much of it as you want, and the same thing fourthly, fifthly, sixthly, seventhly and maybe even eleventhly.”
But it usually doesn’t get that far because Menachem doesn’t stop talking at the “third” point, but begins to sleep.
It is therefore questionable whether people can really drink as much as they want. Because he certainly won’t be able to drink more than he can. Except Menachem, who sometimes drinks more than he can. That is why he is also called: Menachem, the inexhaustible. The others are exhausted because they do what Menachem doesn’t do, because he does what the others don’t do – namely, drink.
And when Menachem, the inexhaustible, drinks more than he can, at some point he not only drinks into himself, but also out of himself. Like in the story about Itzik, who drank home-made brandy with Menachem all evening, and from evening until morning, and then until tomorrow evening, and then until tomorrow evening. At some point, Itzik could no longer drink and wanted to smoke instead. However, because he had drunk so much Bronfn, he himself caught fire and began to burn. Then Menachem wanted to put it out with his piss. But because Menachem had not drunk less Bronfn, but even more, Itzik now began to burn even more intensely.
Can a person want to drink more than he can drink? Possibly yes. Or, on the contrary, it is different, in a way that it probably isn’t. In order to figure it out, you would have to have drunk as much as you can, but once you’ve drunk that much, you can’t figure anything out yourself. Because understanding usually ends earlier than wanting and even being able to.
»Menachem, you have another question here, or one more from me cash: Why do you always drink Bronfn?”
“Well, what else am I supposed to do with it – eat it?”
“Okay, you drink it, but for what reason?”
“Why are you asking me that?”
»Who else should I ask? «
»Well, ask Bronfn what the reason is! Am I making the Bronfn want to be drunk by me, or is the Bronfn making me want to be drunk by him? Well then – ask Bronfn!”
»Emmes, this is true. But, Menachem, don’t you ever think about why you’re always drinking?”
»And whether I think about it! I always think about why I always drink. And the more I think about it, the less I know the answer. And the less I know the answer, the more heartbroken I am. And the more heartbroken I am, the more I drink for consolation.”
But Menachem, the inexhaustible chic, is not only able to drink more than he can, he also wants to drink more than he is able to drink. Menachem would like to drink all the Bronfn in the world, from all the cups, from all the jugs, from all the cups, from pots, bottles, carafes and jugs, from vats, barrels, cisterns, canisters and cauldrons, from lids, bottles and pipettes and spoons .
Only so that he could drink enough, self-distilled flowed through the veins of the earth, down from the clouds, from mountains and streams, the self-distilled filled the ponds and lakes and seas, then he wanted to drink until there was drought all over the world for seven years long as in Egypt!
Menachem drinks from the air, from the looks, from words, from all the loaded phrases and songs, from senseless laughter, from every lechaim.
Now there is no question what it is like with each individual Lechaim. On the contrary, with all of them taken together, things look completely different. In fact, by saying Lechaim, you drink to life every time, but if you drink too much to life, it gets better, but sometimes it still stops.
One day Menachem also drank so much that he was about to die. So Menahem came before God. God sat at a table and drank. »What are you drinking, Gottenju?‘ asked Menahem. But God remained silent and drank. Then Menachem understood that it was not God at all, but the tailor Chaim, and so Menachem escaped death.
That’s why he, the inexhaustible one, lives and drinks more than he can drink, and can even always talk, just not always in one language.
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