EZZES OF ESTIS: Jewish Life

Every now and then people ask me: »What do you say about Jewish life in Germany? What is Jewish life like in Germany? Where does Jewish life in Germany take place? How do you rate Jewish life in Germany? How many yellow stars would you give to Jewish life in Germany?”

Of course I have to think about that. And the more I think about it, the less I know what Jewish life is supposed to be. Yes, do I even lead a Jewish life? I wake up in the morning and think to myself: “Masl tov! This will be another wonderful day in my Jewish life!”

I know what a Jewish nose is; I know what a Yiddish mame is; I know what Jewish Zores are and what Jewish Zimmes are. I even know what a Jewish Poz is and how it differs from a Goyish Schmok. But what in the name of the unspeakable is a Jewish life?

What would it look like, a day in such a Jewish life? First, you undulate your sidelocks in front of the mirror and enjoy sucking on a piece of matzah; then you trot into the synagogue, where you speak among the chaverim tacheles until evening with as much chutzpah and chochme as possible; In the evening you stop by Rothschilds to briefly check the global economy, then meet with the others from the Zionist world government and end the day comfortably with a glass of Christian blood before singing the night away on the clarinet from the roof? In that case, I have to admit, I probably don’t lead a Jewish life.

Of course, hand on heart, do you lead a German life? What is German life like in Germany? Where does German life in Germany take place? How do you rate German life in Germany? German life should actually be quite present here, if I’m not mistaken. Even if Germany has a demographic problem or even several, because the demographic problems are increasing rapidly, in contrast to the demographic numbers. In any case, the main problem with German demography is: Germans throw out more children with the bathwater every day than they produce in a year.

And the Jewish-German demography also has a few problems, if not paradoxes. For example, in Germany there are many more Jewish friends than Jews. Which German doesn’t have a Jewish friend? And who doesn’t say, write, shout something about his Jewish friend? With so many Jewish friends up and down the country, everywhere, every Jew would have to have around 10,000 German friends. However, the paradox doesn’t end there, because one day the Jews have so many German friends, the next day they suddenly have hardly any at all.

But perhaps these Jewish friends are actually all one and the same Jewish friend? A Jewish universal friend, so to speak, a philanthropist, the almanac buddy, so to speak? I would like to see him, this Jewish friend of the world, because he must be a really great fellow: He doesn’t think everything is okay, he doesn’t accept everything, he doesn’t tolerate everything! How exemplary he dealt with the Third Reich, how boldly he drew the line in the sand! How little he cares about Judaism and the Jews and especially about the state of Israel!

Sometimes I have my doubts as to whether this Jewish friend is even Jewish. However, perhaps the Jewish friend is living a Jewish life? I don’t know, because I still don’t know what Jewish life actually is. Of course I don’t want to say: “There is no Jewish life in Germany.” There simply isn’t that much Jewish life. In general, there is much less Jewish life than Jewish survival. And even there isn’t much of that.

So what is Jewish life like? Above all, it is this: unlikely.

Masl Tov – Happy Holiday!

Yiddish Mame – Jewish mother

Zores – Worries, anger

Zimmes – sweet food

Poz, Schmock – swear words

Clubs – unleavened bread

Chaveri – Friends

Chuzpe – impudence

Chochme – Joke