European Football Championship: It could have been football

In conclusion, Jürgen Kohler said last Sunday in the “EM one-two” on Sport1, “at the end of the day” it became clear that we could all be “a bit happy” about these four weeks of complete international understanding; “The fan culture witnessed that,” and world peace has also made tremendous progress.

Omid Nouripour was once again lounging around in this galactic talk group (which Kasper keeps inviting him?) and summed up something about some “basic euphoria” that probably had something to do with the fact that the underprivileged sacks of gold, expense kings and artists of being insulted The brilliant Berlin government parties had over 700 VIP cards at their disposal and were thus able to become selfie-addicted special representatives for attending football games.

Our media “switching behavior” (ZDF expert René Adler) decreased “a little bit” (Thomas Hitzlsperger) over the course of the tournament due to a considerable wear and tear of strength, but this does not prevent us from once again cursorily and “cornerstone” (Alexander Bommes, called “The ARD Bomb”, on the final day) because the assembled snot “was really picture-perfect, wasn’t it?” (Bommes, ditto called “The Waffle”).

The second law of television thermodynamics applies unconditionally: the transfer of energy and time into a chaotic mess, into fragmentation and instability.

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The ARD didn’t just expose reporter Lea Wagner, who barged into our modest room from the team’s quarters in Herzogenaurach: “Toni Kroos said we have the potential to set the country on fire.” The institution also shone with our eternal “morning magazine” – Clumsy Peter Großmann, who laid Columbus’ egg on July 4th: “Success can be measured by the result.”

Nope, there is no “criticism back” (Bommes, who else?), it was “relatively top” (the same thing). What the commentator Gerd Gottlob later said on the flat grass regarding a striker (forgotten name) applied to us: “And then he manages to smile.” If not to break.

Well, the rule of the unculture industry is that it exists. We should accept that. Which is why Julian “Wittgenstein” Nagelsmann confided to the microphones: “The rule is actually the way it is.” And that’s why the relatively new powerhouse Christina Graf, apparently instructed by her teacher Claudia “Umschaltungmovement” Neumann (albeit ZDF), avoided articles quite consistently and personal pronouns and squeezed out something like: “Rice again. Had 100 percent passing accuracy in the quarterfinals. Very strong ratings.«

Right, God knows there was “a bit of beef in there” (Stephanie Müller-Spirra, ARD). In order not to fall behind, ZDF didn’t miss a beat and first staged the out-of-this-world talk therapy session “13 Questions – Has football become too political?” – a series of theses about homophobia, racism and sexism – and then, alongside co-commentator Moritz Volz (favorite words: “pre-orientation” and “gossip ball”), the well-known experts Christoph Kramer (“That was (…) really outstanding”) and Peer Mertesacker (“That’s also worth it.” the next achievement”) into the scales so that they could “brave up” (Mertesacker).

We boycotted the learning-resilient Claudia “not really” Neumann after 20 minutes. She uses a code below plain language (“When a cross comes – good”, “That’s an MFD – defensive midfielder”) and also knew how to ventilate something like this: “These are the little moments of depth.” – “They go a long way proactively back into the second half.” – “England will do everything in their power to win the group.” – “This game will by no means make Gareth Southgate’s position any smoother.”

Forgive us: When it comes to questions of public speaking, we are “so old-fashioned, almost Stalinist, stubborn” (Marcel Reif, “Reif is live”) that we cannot accept that everything is “chickened” (Reif) everywhere without exception respectively became; especially on RTL. With the program “EM Studio – All Games, Goals, Emotions” they had set up a shack full of warm air and gossip, in which of course the inevitable Effenberg was enthroned or towered (“It’s almost world class”) and Markus Babbel , Fredi Bobić and – what a surprise! – Thomas Helmer. All of them apparently had nothing else to do except endlessly peddle nonsense in order to “kindle a spirit” (moderator Jana Wosnitza) that has long since escaped.

Wosnitza to Effenberg: “I like it when you think forward.” Moderator Elton: “The main thing is to be relaxed.” Any two comments on YouTube: “Why can anyone become a presenter?” – “So many amateurs on RTL – crazy.”

An RTL commentator unknown to us shouted during a match recap: “Almost, almost with the big sensation! It would have been so undeserved! But it would have been football too!”

It could have been so football. But in a television for the garbage disposal system, the second law of television thermodynamics applies unconditionally: the transfer of energy and time into a chaotic mess, into fragmentation and instability.

In “this awesome sport” (Marco Hagemann), in which even the momentum comes (“Of course there’s a little bit of momentum now, including the emotional one”), “head or head” (Wolff-Christoph Fuss) are as lost as hops or Malt. “You can’t stop his speed” (Steffen Freund), and yet we’re now putting the brakes on with Nico Schlotterbeck. He explained to Magenta TV: “We have triggered something in the country, and if something comes from outside, then I think you are, yes, very happy that you can, um, yes, catalyze it into it Play because I think, um, yes, we play with euphoria, we play with fun, and that’s what I think is the most beautiful thing about football. That’s why, um, I’m really excited.”

And “that’s really meaningful” (Bommes).