Corona – my days as a cannon

The queasy feeling that let me wake up recently had its center in my stomach. There was something against the gastric wall, initially gently and without larger ambitions, rather as if it wanted to draw attention to its existence. But I knew certain that I hadn’t taken anything living, at least I couldn’t remember it. The gentle throbbing increased relatively quickly to a kind of aggressive pressing. And the signal that this sent something on my brain was as intense as it was unmistakable: I want to get out.

In fact, the feeling was when I found myself on knees in front of the toilet bowl, so urgently became so urgently or excellent that I thought to know exactly for a moment, which Executive Officer Kane felt from the »Nostromo« crew at that moment before the freshly slipped alien pushed through its abdominal blanket. With the difference that what was in my case was not an alien. It did not come through my abdominal blanket either, but used the conventional paths: within seconds I was mutated into a human cannon, from which it injected all openings.

Overall, the further course of the night can be summarized as follows: it was not nice.

Overall, the further course of the night can be summarized as follows: it was not nice. And she was just the beginning. The following days and nights resembled each other, swearing into a period that was no longer to be subdivided into clear segments, which was characterized by chronic nausea, feelings of dizziness and permanent shaking frost. In addition, there were numerous other symptoms and pain, some of which were noticeable in parts of the body, which I didn’t even know about until then. My entire organism was also captured by such a fundamental mattness that compared to me Lars Klingbeil had to work like the young Iggy Pop on Speed. So not excluded that I had caught some variant of the coronavirus.

Although I shouldn’t have been officially sick at all. Because with the Corona pandemic, the Federal Government has found a way of approach for some time, which is not only optimal from a financial point of view, but also cleverly: You pretend that it is not there. Children once introduced this modern problem -solving strategy (“If I put my eyes up, you can’t see me”) and politics successfully copied it. The advantages are obvious: If you stipulate enough that something unpleasant is not available, and it does not mention it if possible, you don’t have to do anything about it. This is a health policy – let’s say: more experimental approach. But from the government’s point of view, it is something completely different: an enormously money-saving long-term master plan. As far as climate change is concerned, the last eleven, twelve federal governments iron have used the same problem -solving strategy, so far without resounding success.

So I am not sure whether it may not be recommended in a better future to take note of reality. In any case, it is certain: the story proves that so far reality has been stronger than the desire that it may not be there.

The good column

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Thomas Blum In principle, it does not agree with the prevailing so -called reality. For the time being, he will not be able to change them, but he can use them to exhort them or, if necessary, also cover one. So that the bad withdraws. We are solidarity with his fight against reality. Therefore, “the good column” appears at this point on Mondays. Only the best quality for the best readers! The collected texts can be found at: dasnd.de/diegute

But back to Corona, back to reality: daily people develop new so-called “covid variants”, partly with serious health consequences. Nevertheless, there is no longer any talk of this in the media, you can see from the fact that they occasionally inform the public in sleepy science and technocrat jargon that there are new varieties of mutated viruses. The newly performing “Corona mutations” are then given funny Asterix legionnaire names (Nimbus, stratus, no urban) in order to awaken at least a minimum of the reader. (Admittedly, the third name is invented by me.)

Anyone who determines disease symptoms in themselves that the conclusions allow it to be a Corona disease are said: “The old covid self-tests would actually have to work.” Quite as if it were a solution to his health problem. Anyone who can pull themselves up to see a drugstore, despite the slotting knees, high fever, shortness of breath and sweating from the bedside, must first pay for a package of so -called rapid tests, which, however, do not provide a reliable result.

If you want to make sure whether you have infected, you have to contact one of the pharmacies and medical practices that are selected by random and always at least one one-hour walk away and pay around 90 euros for a PCR test. After the test, you are no less sick than before, but have made a small contribution to German health policy, the central pillar of which is the so -called personal responsibility. The very best behavior tip comes from the Internet: “Try to stay at home five days after the test and to avoid contact with other people.” The questions of who is shopping and working during this time and how to move into the roommate or family members during this time does not answer the Internet or the Federal Government.