Talke Talks: Father’s Day in the USA: Daddy Issues

Howdy from Texas, dear readers,

Lots going on for you and me this month! For you, dance into May, Ascension Day and Father’s Day followed by Mother’s Day; for me Met Gala, Mother’s Day without father (that’s not until June) and Memorial Day. Why did we separate Ascension Day and Father’s Day, you ask? Paradoxically, despite their penetrating Christianity, Americans have little interest in clerical celebrations from the Old Continent – except for the really big ones, and perhaps only because there are gifts and sweets. They prefer to create their own.

At the beginning of the 20th century, the Methodist Episcopals aka Episcopal Methodists in Washington State arbitrarily selected a date for Father’s Day, without any methodology or episcopate; From now on, fathers should be thanked for their contributions to the family. Episcopal Methodists from West Virginia were also responsible for American Mother’s Day, which we Germans quite methodically adopted. And while Mother’s Days in the USA and Germany are very similar (flowers, brunch, jewelry), Father’s Days are quite different; and I have a clear preference for the American festival in June (not just because it gives me an excuse if I forget German Father’s Day): I prefer the domesticated daddy, who is given barbecue equipment and embarrassing socks, to his Teutonic counterpart who makes a fool of himself in nature all day long, far away from his family, drunkenly bawling. Yes, I even demand: Down with German Father’s Day, the handcart festival and public alcohol poisoning! Fathers belong at the grill at home or in the basement for repair work. Not to mention that many German non-fathers celebrate “Herrentag” next to their dads every year as a matter of course and brazenly. If you haven’t been vomited on by sick brats at night (companies don’t count), you’re not allowed to ingratiate yourself to your parents. Be content with dancing into May!

Not only are Father’s Days different, American demands on fathers also seem different to me – and by that I mean higher – than back home, at least in the conservative south of the USA. The young dads around us are extremely dedicated, with Jack Pearson from This is Us as the ideal – work hard, be emotionally available at all times and never miss a single baseball game. This full-fledged father figure may be one of the few benefits of Christian indoctrination. But it’s also a matter of mentality: local daddies, it seems, have fewer “commitment issues” than German ones, they’re more likely to get married, want children straight away so that they can get more out of their old age later instead of putting everything off until they have a midlife crisis, and – that’s it The biggest surprise for me – especially since the abortion ban, but even before, it has become common practice for men in their 30s to have a vasectomy as soon as their child planning is complete in order to replace their partner in contraception (and recently also, since the introduction of the new abortion law, to possibly protect them from death or descent into crime). I think responsible fathers deserve a lot of embarrassing socks and especially hot BBQ sauce on the third Sunday in June. And don’t worry, there are still enough of the “absent father” variety in America, the ne’er-do-wells who refuse to pay alimony à la Charlie Sheen, and of course also the coldly calculating Succession Dad who plays siblings off against each other.

Unfortunately, the expectations placed on us mothers have not diminished as fathers become more present. Texas mom has to sacrifice for everyone the same way she does everywhere else in the world, only she has more social appointments to attend to. This year, after all the school picnics, charity bazaars and after-school activities, I decided to swap roles with my German father for Mother’s Day: I’m leaving the family. Not for drinking, but for doing yoga in an open-air retreat. So it’s also a way to embarrass people in nature.