The good column: Permanent meeting of the Zipfelklatscher Congress

I’m not sure that in a better future everyone wouldn’t do well to spend their lives alone. Alone means: in complete isolation.

Because, let’s be honest: nobody needs friends, colleagues or family. Things are fine without them. Friends are usually people who basically know nothing about us, but still despise us and betray us when it comes to dividing up the loot. We refer to those nuisances who hinder us in our daily work as colleagues. And among the members of a family, hatred is the normal, healthy, basic feeling that dominates everything. Even the partner and dearly loved person with whom we live turns out to be a disturbing background noise and a humanoid blockage of living space after sunrise and, as soon as bedtime comes, mutates into a breathing obstacle that narrows the bed. “Marriage is the coming together of two bad moods by day and two bad smells by night,” said the French politician and scholar Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord (1754–1838).

The good column

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Thomas Blum fundamentally disagrees with the prevailing so-called reality. He won’t be able to change her for the time being, but he can reprimand her, admonish her or, if necessary, give her a beating. So that the bad begins to retreat. We stand in solidarity with his fight against reality. Therefore, from now on, “The Good Column” will appear here on Mondays. Only the best quality for the best readers! The collected texts can be found at: dasnd.de/diegute

Admittedly, two weeks ago there was talk here that capitalism always reliably finds ways to make everything “worse and uglier.” But because dialectics is not a one-way street, it must now be admitted that capitalism, in its own special way, does some things better. He does this by teaching us life lessons that are as bitter as they are indispensable. For example, he shows us the horror and horror of everyday life lived together in order to torment us.

From cradle to grave we are crammed together in forced collectives: family, kindergarten, school, student shared apartment, army, factory, company, party, sports club, gym, superstitious community. Capitalism lets us get to know our fellow human beings so that we can suffer properly from them. And when we experience suffering, we strive to eradicate it. We try to give our lives a new direction and eliminate everything from it that causes us constant torment and pain: family members, colleagues and “friends,” for example. But so does everyone else.

From cradle to grave we are crammed together in forced collectives: family, kindergarten, school, student shared apartment, army, factory, company, party, sports club, gym, superstitious community.

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We encounter them all the time: the groups of football fans shouting, waving flags and hopping up and down senselessly; the cliques of men who stand around in crowds on street corners with their legs spread apart, spitting into the street with loud retching noises; the “Schlagermove”, “Loveparade” or carnival “celebrants” who think they have to constantly bother their counterparts with their version of “fun”, etc.

By showing us so-called social interaction and “happy get-togethers” from their most repulsive side, capitalism wants us to have an important experience. He teaches us: If you look closely, the community of fellow human beings is actually nothing more than a gathering of crazy people who are sometimes more, sometimes less drugged, a temporary metropolitan area full of unpredictable, sometimes severely mentally impaired people, an extremely toxic crowd of people, one huge and all around the clock meeting of the eye-catcher congress, a people’s prison (to give the word a new meaning) from which one cannot escape. We don’t need these people. And they don’t have all the superfluous infrastructure in which this type of people traditionally feels comfortable: fairgrounds, shopping malls, fairgrounds, sports stadiums, large event and multi-purpose halls, open-air arenas, multi-lane roadways, Bundeswehr barracks. This can all go away.

However, instead of building soundproof individual reading booths on a large scale in free inner-city areas and setting up panic rooms/escape bunkers for people who are still sane and want to be left alone, the federal government is, as always, displaying extremely bizarre and unrealistic actions: Im Last year it adopted “111 measures to strengthen social solidarity and social interaction”.

It’s as if there weren’t enough polonaises and parades through pedestrian zones here, and too little shouting and commotion. It’s as if there is a blatant lack of carnival and carnival parties in the country, AfD get-togethers, fan or beer miles and public viewing gatherings in which the participants proudly show each other their swastika tattoos. What happens when there is a call for strengthened social coexistence in this country could be observed recently on Sylt, when a cohort of rich German snots expressed their Nazi sentiments to bad pop music.

In any case, one thing is certain: being alone remains a desirable state. And the words of the French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal (1623–1662) still apply: “All the unhappiness of people comes solely from the fact that they cannot stay quietly in a room.”

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